At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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