So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
