good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
