why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
