Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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