dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
