My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
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