that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Randomize