He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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