I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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