you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
