I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
