I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
