Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
