gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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