I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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