Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
