Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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