yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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