God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
