Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
