she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
