The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize