he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
