Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize