Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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