There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I think I just shit out all my problems.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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