Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I will be naked everywhere
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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