i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
