how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
