You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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