lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
