i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize