Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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