I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
