Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
