there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
