I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
