after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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