I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
tell me about the eggs
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
