Dual....:-)
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
