I will die if light touches me.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
