If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
why do cheetos always look like penises
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Randomize
