he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
