I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
