ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
