Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
