Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
