he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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