I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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