I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Randomize
