i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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