is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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