I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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