I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
