i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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