Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
