why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize