Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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