Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
