im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize