I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
