watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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