Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
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