how hairy? two words: wookie tits
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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