I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i was born a porn star she said
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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