If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
